The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
