If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
How's work?
Spinning.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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