I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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