those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
there is puke in my bra ... again
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