pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
