i don't like sucking hair
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
