Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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