life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
