Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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