She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
