New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I did not marry a roomba.
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