Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
