I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
