so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
