o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
