Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
