Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Couch. On fire.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize