On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
