since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
