You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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