I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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