yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
