I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
