I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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