Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
