he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
