well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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