I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
