I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
is it fun? or sober?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
