capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
