just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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