I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
