Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
