if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
