Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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