just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
