I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize