Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
