so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
