Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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