i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
