Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
