a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
