I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
