it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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