Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I believe in your delicious
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
