we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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