that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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