Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
