Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
