you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
