Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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