actually, I'm a sock model
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
