i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
