party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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