Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize