We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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