Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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