She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
