She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
