went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
