I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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