He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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