I'm going to jail i love you
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
