I'm really into asian looking animals
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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