I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
