sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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