it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
