Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
