I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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