It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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