I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
