Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
