Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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