Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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