on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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