I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
