none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
