im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
