There was a lot of him and a little penis
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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