can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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