break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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