I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
