what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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