I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
