I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
so much tequila, so little girl.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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