the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
